My part-time job is handling eBay auctions for a comic store. One of the interesting aspects is some of the ridiculous e-mails I get now and then. For instance, when I first started, I found this e-mail in the Inbox:
Question from eBay Member
---
i WANT MY SUPERMAN ITEM.
The more I looked over this one sentence, the more it made me laugh. First, even if I wasn't new, how am I supposed to know what "superman item" he's talking about? It seems like he was even purposely making it vague by saying "item" rather than, say, "comic", "statue", "action figure", or whatever the crap it was he was expecting. He doesn't say what the issue is. I'd assume he bought it but it never arrived. What were the circumstances? When did he pay? How long has he been waiting?
Finally, what cracks me up further is the all caps, except for the I, which is the one part that's supposed to be capitalized. How do you suppose that happened? Remarkably, despite it being in all caps and coming off like he's an illiterate Internewb, the whole sentence is grammatically correct with no spelling errors. Did he put the caps lock on by accident and not notice until after he sent it? Those five words really make me wonder. Much more so than most paragraphs I read.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Betterman Vol. 2: Metamorphosis (2002, DVD)
---
it's been a month and a couple of weeks now and still haven't got my dvd man. are you that cheap, just keeping my money like that, you fake ass! i want my fucken refund!
It's a little amusing to me that this guy doesn't ask for an explanation, but just assumes that a seller with a 99.6% positive feedback rating decided one day they felt like just keeping his money instead of sending him a $5 DVD, going so far as to call me a "fake ass." You can't buy this sort of intense irritability, people.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Some sorta Troll
---
can you change out the picture. We can oly see a little of 1 side of his face and some of the hair........lot of reflection from the bag........thanks
This is an item I listed. The question itself here isn't really funny, with the possible exception of how they overuse the ellipses. I guess what made me chuckle is how right they were. How exactly would we plan to sell something like this with a picture this terrible?
We don't have a decent digital camera so we rely on a guy who comes in only every week or two to take pictures of stuff so we can list them. Since he does this so rarely, you'd think he'd notice the picture was pretty bad and reshoot it. Since he wasn't around, I couldn't replace the picture so it was pretty much stuck like that for a while.
I should note that when I listed the item, I wasn't sure what I could say about it. I mean, it's just a troll doll. So, yeah, the item was listed as "Some sorta troll" and the item description was "It's a troll."
Nobody bought it.
Response from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Nightmare Before Christmas - Vampire Action Figure
---
ALRIGHT, SORRY FOR COMING OFF AS A MEAN COLD BITCH BUT HUMAN NATURE IN ANY ONE BRINGS OUT THE WORST IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS...I'M CALMED BY THE OFFER NOW, I'M KEEN TO BEING ON TOP OFF THESE EBAY TRANS. , ONE HAS TO BE, CAUSE MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES AND ITS REALLY EASY TO GET DISENCHANTED IN THIS BUSINESS WHEN THERE'S A DING IN PROCESSING THE EXCHANGE...LETS SEE IF BY THE WEEKEND MY VAMPIRE ARRIVES, IF NOT I'LL DEFINETELY GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU ALL.....
I have no idea what this e-mail was in response to, but it sure was funny.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Star Wars Attacktix Promo Figure 10 Clone Trooper
---
Hi
The picture with this auction is for some soccer cards.
Do you have a picture of what the attacktix figure looks like.
Thanks
Andrew
I had to laugh at this very strange screwup. Someone had listed a Star Wars action figure and had accidentally put this as the picture:
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: NBX - Jack in Coffin W/ Pop-up Action and Sound
---
hello,
I allow myself to contact you, because I would wish to know the amount of the carriage costs for France.
Thank you for your availability.
Cordially
I so very much love Engrish.
From: Shipper (e-mail address filtered)
Subject: MARVEL LEGENDS
---
9)HI, MY NAME IS TOM. I BELIEVE I TALKED TO YOU ON THE WEEKEND AT THE PICKERING FLEA MARKET.
I WAS THE ONE INQUIRING ABOUT THE SENTINEL LEG ATTACHMENT. ANYHOO, I WAS ALSO HOPING YOU COULD GIVE ME PRICES ON A FEW FIGURES. 1) CYCLOPS (CLASSIC), 2) JUGGERNAUGHT , 3) PHEONIX (GREEN AND RED), 4) BLACK WIDOW (CLASSIC) 5) SCARLETT WITCH, 6) IRON MAN (SERIES ONE) 7) MISTER FANTASTIC 8) ICE MAN.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
No comment.
From: (e-mail address filtered)
Subject: Re: Your invoice for eBay purchases - item #8328751628, Cardcaptors Volume 2 ...
---
Hi Michelle,
After sending an e-mail enquiring about total price including post and packing I received this reply on 16/03/06 @ 16:20.
HI I'M SORRY TO SAY WE HAVE ACTUALLY SOLD OUT OF THIS ITEM.
DUE TO AN ERROR IN E-BAY WE ACTUALLY LISTED THIS ITEM TWICE WHEN WE ONLY HAD ONE BOOK AND SO IT WAS BOUGHT IN A SEPERATE AUCTION.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
You could always check back on your sent items box on computer and read it for yourself.
This is why i didn't send payment,as after receiving the above I was a bit confused.
Please advise total including P & P.
Thanks
Tricia.
This is the most awesome e-mail I've ever read. Michelle explains to her that we accidentally sold out of the item she wanted, and so we can't sell it to her.
Somehow this "Tricia" person naturally assumes that message was sent by mistake, and says that if we don't believe her that we actually did tell her such, we can check and see for ourselves. Then she asks again how much it costs. What is wrong with this person?
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Ginga Legend Weed #1
---
Hello! How much I paid for mail-shipping for France? Thanks you for answering! Emilie ^_^
Well, "Thanks you for answering!" is still a step up from "Cordially"
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: No Need for Tenchi! Vol. 11 : Ayeka's Heart
---
I feel a little uncomfortable giving you my information, but here is the information:
credit card number: (filtered)
code: (filtered)
expiration: (filtered)
Please contact me when you receive this information.
Thankyou :)
We got the information. Thanks for the information.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Trial of Champions by Fighting Fantasy
---
What is the D20 system?
Wikipedia, people. Jeez.
We actually get a lot of e-mails from people asking information as if we're some sort of authority. If we sell a manga, people ask us questions about other books in the same series. We sell a video game, people e-mail us asking for tips on how to beat it. This is sort of the opposite. Instead of asking us something we're in no authority to speak on, this guy asks us something he can easily figure out without our help. It's like going into a casino and asking how to play poker.
I just think it's natural to assume that if someone was using eBay to search for Dungeons & Dragons books, he'd know what Dungeons & Dragons was.
Question from (Our own eBay account)
Item: You're Under Arrest Nasumi & Miyuki 1/6 PVC Models
---
Is this detectic comics versian were teh guys r lik OMG ITS A BLIMP and then teh rihno spits fire becuz of a magikal emulat?
I actually sent this message to myself as a joke. The item was a set of anime character models, and I made it seem like I'd confused it for a comic book. Incidentally, Rhino is a Marvel character, not DC. :p
Response from (Our own eBay account)
Item: You're Under Arrest Nasumi & Miyuki 1/6 PVC Models
---
no this is a pvc model. thanks.
I love how whoever read the e-mail didn't notice that it was from the same account and sent a polite response even though it made zero sense. :D
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 - Vol. 4 by Kazuhisa Kondo
---
I am soooo sorry to do this to you. I guess when you refunded the 14.00 it changed my ebay item to unpaid and when I made my multiple auction payments, I thought my daughter had found a replacement book and I paid again. Please refund it again and I will delete the purchase from my won list. Again I am sooo soryy, I have never had this happen before. My refunds in the past have never re-activated the item's payment status. Thanks for understanding, Brenda
I laughed so loudly at this one that the others heard it from the other side of the store. We sold out of the book this woman ordered and refunded her, and she accidentally paid for it again.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Mechwarrior - Double Rate - G-015
---
Name: (filtered)
Mailing Address: (filtered)
Phone Number: (filtered)
Payment Method: PayPal Account
If the above information is acceptable, as per the policy stated in your auction page, please let me know, and I will pay for my auction, with the invoice you sent me, through my PayPal account, as soon as possible. Thank you for your time, and this opportunity.
...so he's asking if it's okay to pay us, using the terms we outlined, and with the invoice we sent him. What sort of fancy gold-plated personally engraved invitation does he want?
Question from (eBay name filtered)
---
DO YOU HAVE A PRICDE YOU WANT FOR IT WHAT HAPPENED HERE ARE YOU STILL GOING TO SELL IT LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FOR IT THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE JASON
What the Hell are you talking about, Jason? He didn't even send the message from an auction page, which would at least show the item number in the subject line and allow me to look up the description.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: The Great Cthulhu Wizkids Horrorclix Heroclix Exclusive
---
Hi...
I'm Henry from Indonesia. Serious buyer and read all you terms already. Agreed and respect that you are professional seller.
I want to ask about your paying options, said there I can pay you with Credit Card?
I have VISA, my own and NOT STOLE ppl.
Billing charge and billing address also name is same.
Can you calculate how much I should pay for ordering this item from you? Address:
Name: Henry
Address: (filtered)
City: (filtered)
Post Code: (filtered)
Province: (filtered)
Country: Indonesia
Interested to buy other items from you also to save shipment.
Very unsuspicious.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Steve Jackson - Munchkin - Bookmark of Dark Vileness!
---
Hello,
I have to load my paypal. When this is done i will send you immidiatly the money.
Regards
C.Bredenbruch
"I'll send you an e-mail when this page finishes loading." Is that what he means? How impatient does a person have to be to want to be updated between someone logging into their account and then sending money? It's nice that this guy wants to send me immidiatly the money, though.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: MW: Domination - SLR-AP-L "Vengeance" Solitaire #134
---
Sorry is outside for job and must pass from the bank in order to carry out the payment, hopes that the misfortune does not create too many problems the next week would have to succeed and to pass I ask excuse for the uneasiness.
What?
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Begoths Series 5 Red Riding Storm Chase Figure
---
Hello!
I ujust want to know how much would cost the hipping for france please?
PS : Sorry for my poor english and i hope you understood me....
It's okay. I understood you. The item will be hipped for france right away.
Response from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Neca Exclusive Leon from Resident Evil MIB ComicCon
---
Thank you for letting me know that I will let you know when I recieve the figure.
Jason.
Of course. I always tell buyers what they're going to do. It's just a simple courtesy.
Anyway, I didn't understand what this guy really meant to say until I realized he just forgot to put a period between his two sentences.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Pirates of the Barbary Coast - "Diamond" Nelson Turner
---
hi fellow of the seven seas...
If you don't matter, i would like to wait until my next auctions made on your stuff end in case i win. In this configuration will it be possible to regroup all of these ??
If you see any problem, i will pay this one but anyway in no more than 4 days i 'll buy Diamond
Many thanks B. OTT
Many thanks, but what?
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: MW: Domination - SLR-AP-L "Vengeance" Solitaire #134
---
Carried out payment excuse still for the delay.
Bye.
Oh. Well, it's good to know you're back inside for job and finished pass from the bank.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Begoths Series 5 Leda Swanson Silver ComicCon Exclusive
---
Hello,
I come to the news to know if the Begoths headstocks that I bought to you were indeed sent? I did not always receive anything to date.
Thank you to hold me informed.
Cordially,
Interestingly enough, this is the second person to say "Cordially," and then nothing.
Response from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Mage Knight Dark Riders Stick Horse #R-109 Accessory
---
Hi, Won't you pay me ?
No thanks.
From: (e-mail address filtered)
Subject: Item #(filtered) - Notification of an Instant Payment Received from (filtered)
---
PayPal
Dear (filtered),
You have an Instant Payment of $40.95 USD from (filtered).
View the details of this transaction online
Payment Details
Purchased From: (filtered)
Transaction ID: (filtered)
Item # Item Title Quantity Price Subtotal
(filtered) Tim Burton's Tragic Toys - Oyster Boy, Junk Girl 1 $14.95 USD $14.95 USD
Shipping & Handling via Standard Delivery to 755XX
(includes any seller handling fees) $26.00 USD
Shipping Insurance (not offered): --
Total: $40.95 USD
Note:Thanks a lot!!! Ralph from Chile
Good old Ralph from Chile! How you doing, bud?
From: (name of my boss' supplier)
Subject: Invoice no. (filtered) from (filtered) o/b (filtered) ONTARIO INC
---
Please find your invoice attached.
As a prank, I sent a fake invoice to my boss, supposedly by his supplier, but if he looked carefully he could see it was from his own e-mail address. The idea was for him to click on his invoice to take a look and then find that it wasn't an invoice, it was the following image:
He never even noticed. I wonder if he even reads his e-mails anymore.
From: (e-mail address filtered)
Subject: R: Oggetto: Question about shipping for item #(filtered) - Dark Ages: Vampire Limited Edition LE White Wolf Rare ΓΌ
---
Hi, how are you? I'm here again asking for some stuff.
I know all of your material is listed on e-bay, you told me that.
The question is: in your country is possible to get a copy of "Vampire the Masquerade special edition book" (in short, it's similiar to the dark ages special book)?
I do not know that type of activity you have, but am watching everywhere in tries of this thing. if you have possibility to recover a copy I would estimate if to acquire it from you
I make excuses myself for the continuous disturbance!
thanks a lot.
Bye
Kriss
Awesome. Kriss is here again asking for some stuff (He's watching everywhere in tries of this thing) but he make excuses himself for the continuous disturbance!
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Killer Bunnies "Dago Bunny" Run New in Plastic
---
i was just wondering i have the 1st killer bunnies deck made you can even look it up on the web site AA series witch only 51 decks were made numbers 1-10 were lost and 11-50 were sold well the very first one printed and hand cut was not numberd but given the name the alpha deck i was just wondering how much you think it would be worth i dont want to sell because i was one of the game testers and when he started to print the next 50 i asked if i could buy one he looked at me and told me that i could buy one used if i wanted i asked him why i could not have a new one and he told me that the used one would be much better than a new one so i bought it any ways that is how i came to own the first one i bought it in 2000 any ways we also tested jurny to jupiter and i also have one of those # AA 09-50 just wanted to get your input on what you think they are worth thank you for your time
kenny derkatz
I absolutely refuse to answer e-mails like this. There's no punctuation at all. I can't tell where one sentence ends and another begins. It's an absolute headache to try to read it. Not only that, but it also falls under the "Hey, I assume because you sell a Killer Bunny card that you got at a convention for free, that you're an expert on the game and can tell me how rare these cards I have are. Please send me an accurate quote on each of my 400 individual cards because I know you have plenty of time and expertise on the subject and it would be easier for you to do that all for me than for me to just look up this information myself" category.
Here's a tip, kids. If you have something rare (which I'm not even so sure this guy does the way he's coming off all, "I have like every card ever made you can even look it up") and some casual searching around the Internet hasn't given you any idea how valuable it is, then you're not going to get any better information from someone who's not even interested in the game.
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Gundam 0083 Technical Manual 3
---
hello i would like to purchase this i will send a money order this week
Question from (eBay name filtered)
Item: Gundam 0083 Technical Manual 3
---
hello i would like to purchase this
So purchase it already!
Question from (eBay name filtered)
---
Hello,
I am very sorry about this I purchased this item with the belief that my mother was buying it for my son she has just recently given me the money and I am truly sorry for the inconvience. I will pay for this item now thank you
Note: This e-mail does not in any way tell me what item they're talking about.
Subject: rifter 23
From: DEBORAH (last name and address filtered)
---
I see you have rifter 23. Is it in stock because in some sites they will show you items they do not have in stock. I would like to know because I would like to buy it.
No comment.
Comments (0)
You don't have permission to comment on this page.